he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
