something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
