well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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