I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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