Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
