Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
