If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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