I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
