somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
