Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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