Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
