it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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