i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
