First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Your dad touched me again.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
