I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
false alarm. still invincible.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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