Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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