just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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