so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
