There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
