So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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