You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
