gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
