Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
