I can text with my tongue
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
