I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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