what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
