Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
