you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
