I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
