Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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