My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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