had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
