So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
