so that wasnt chicken after all
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
