He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
