dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
