Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
