I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
