Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
