allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
