My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
