found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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