I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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