So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
