everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
