I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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