Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
