DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
