Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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