He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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