I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
